This week’s book recommendation
Why is a book about unwanted sexual behavior included as a resource for Spiritual Abuse?
First, shame is the core of a Spiritually Abusive system. Abusers use shame to manipulate. Abusers are also likely experiencing their own sense of shame, which attracted them to a system where they could hide it.
Those who play a role in these systems also navigate shame. Shame causes them to latch onto and support abusers. Shame causes intentional blindness.
Shame keeps people silent.
According to Unwanted, shame lies at the heart of unwanted sexual behavior. These behaviors start out slow, in a quest to escape shame, which usually reveals itself as meaninglessness, boredom, or self-loathing.
One powerful Spiritual Abuse mechanism, which is the perfect example of the subtlety of Spiritual Abuse, is purity culture. We’ll get into purity culture in other articles, but it’s a great example of shame masquerading in the cloak of “good,” spiritual teaching.
And it’s done unquestionable amounts of harm.
“A great deal of damage has been done to those who struggle with unwanted sexual behavior due to a misguided theology of purity that reduces sexual struggle to pure and impure behavior or wins versus losses...When purity culture becomes synonymous with surveillance culture, it must be seen as bordering on heresy. ”
Unwanted addresses this culture. It also addresses shame in general. It is important we grow in our understanding of shame as we understand our own stories in light of Spiritually Abusive systems.
This book makes it into The Vault as a great resource for understanding the shame behind Spiritual Abuse, and one facet of Spiritual Abuse, which is that of purity culture.
“The union of strength and vulnerability in relationships will make you one of the most remarkable people on the planet. Your strength does not allow you be used, nor does it bring harm to others. Vulnerability invites you to the possibility of care and deals a brutal blow to the power of shame. Fight or flight is reduced, and you experience rest with those you love. ”