Can I Take a Break from Church?
While we all grieve and process our experience differently, there are some common themes that emerge from those who’ve departed Spiritually Abusive systems.
One common theme is a struggle to attend church, or any regular form of worship.
Friends, I know this. My first Sunday in church after leaving a Spiritually Abusive church had me crying, panicking, and glancing over my shoulder to locate the bathroom so I could get away without anyone seeing me.
I have found this experience extremely common among people who’ve experienced Spiritual Abuse in a faith-based system. So, I just need to say to you what many people said to me:
It’s okay to take a break.
It’s okay to not be okay.
It is completely normal to find the once-safe-haven of formal church service is now a gut-wrenching trigger.
You do not have to return to formal worship right away.
Your “salvation” is not at stake.
You are not a “bad Christian” if you can’t go to church.
Why? Because you’ve experienced trauma. When a faith community is associated with a traumatic experience, you might not be able to interact immediately.
Here’s an extreme example: If you were attacked in a mall parking lot at night, would it make sense to you that a dark parking lot at night would be a place you’d seek to avoid? If you found yourself in a dark parking lot months—years even—down the road, and that place caused you to panic, would it be difficult for you to understand why?
Just because it’s church, doesn’t make your body’s good and beautiful desire to seek safety any less real and valid.
What if I never go to church again? What if I can’t ever be a part of that denomination again? What if I can’t trust God again?
These are important questions, but perhaps you’re in a place where you don’t need to have answers right now.
It’s okay to grieve.
It’s okay to heal.
Maybe instead, have brunch with your family on Sunday. Have a phone call with a safe friend. Go for a hike or a drive.
And know many people have had the same experience.
You are not alone.
