Signing NDAs and Covenants in a Church Context
I’ve been thinking about covenants or contracts in a ministry context. I've been thinking about it ever since the first time I decided not to sign one. The "covenant" came to staff in a time of great upheaval in the church I worked for, as the church scrambled to deal with the dozens of stories coming out from former staff about abuse of power in the organization.
I took advantage of the chaos and slid the document into my desk drawer, neither signing nor turning it in.
During that season, I was very careful about which documents I signed, which emails I saved (which emails I deleted), what I said in writing, what I said in person (and who I said it to).
When I'd not had a problem signing covenants or "contracts of conduct" in other ministry contexts, this context was different. All the documents, the signatures, the checking and double-checking, it all pointed to a culture of fear.
When I was preparing to leave that Spiritually Abusive church, I had several people advise me not to sign an NDA. I had determined I wouldn't sign one, even if it made things more challenging, but the friends who counseled against it gave me the reason:
Essentially they said, the gospel is not something to hide, nor is it a competition. NDAs are for security reasons or non-compete agreements. They are NOT to be used to silence people from talking about abuse as they're walking out the door.
Judy Wu Dominick mentioned membership documents in My Story of Spiritual Abuse Here's what she said:
When it comes to membership vows or contracts for codes of conduct, it’s advisable to ask questions and understand what you’re getting into. Get detailed explanations for things. Ask, “Have there been examples of people breaking one of these rules? How was it handled?”
Observe how leadership responds. Do they become defensive? Are they patronizing or belittling? Do they brush you aside?
Just like a job interview, what you experience during the interview process is just a foretaste of what it will be like down the road.
But even with the best questions and the most honest intent, a toxic culture is a toxic culture. Sometimes we’ll find our only option is to walk away.
I'll admit, I am saddened we have to think about these things. I'm saddened that, at that church I worked for, I pep-talked myself with "I'm channeling my inner Sansa Stark"* every time I walked into the office. I'm grieved for anyone who has ever been forced to sign an NDA to keep them from exposing abuse. I'm saddened for the culture of fear at many churches that has them scrambling to protect themselves, rather than caring for their congregation.
No one should have to experience this sort of fear or insecurity at work.
They definitely shouldn't have to feel this way in a church or ministry.
The church needs to do better.
*Sansa Stark is a character on the HBO series, Game of Thrones. She begins her journey as a naive girl who thinks the best of everyone and longs for a fairytale. At the hands of wicked people, she endures horrendous treatment and abuse. Eventually, she becomes a real badass and a genius at espionage and subterfuge, but the road getting there was long and painful and she never outgrows the scars.
I said I channeled her at the church I worked for because I literally felt like I was going undercover every time I entered the building.