Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma -Review of Megan Negendank’s Book
As I’ve worked to educate myself on trauma recovery and survivor support, I recently stumbled upon Megen Negendank’s work in marriage and family therapy, as well as her book, Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma. Negendank’s book is concise, insightful, and broadly applicable to trauma recovery, even though it’s written with sexual trauma as its primary focus. Here are a few things I appreciated about Negendank’s work.
Focus on Trauma Survivors and their Partner/Spouse
Oftentimes, trauma recovery books tend to be written with either the survivor or the partner/spouse in mind, but not both. Negendank’s book helpfully addresses the questions, concerns, and goals of both people. In just seven chapters, Negendank helps a partner/spouse understand the survivor experience, describes the impact of sexual trauma on relationships, and then spends the following five chapters exploring how the relationship can be a source of healing, secure connection, healthy coping with triggers, intimacy, and ultimately, healing and hope.
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As someone reading this book with the goal of educating myself, I still found Negendank’s insights extremely helpful, as she compassionately acknowledges the pain points and hopes of both the survivor and their partner/spouse. Negendank does not shy away from recognizing that trauma affects both people in the relationship, and writes with that in mind. Her writing is clear, concise, and extraordinarily applicable to many types of trauma and recovery situations.
Illustration through Story
Throughout each chapter, Negendank employs stories of several couples (a composite of multiple client experiences and stories) to demonstrate the concepts she’s discussing. These stories take a concise, in-depth look at the impact sexual trauma has on a relationship, as well as the impact of a supportive, encouraging partner or spouse in the recovery process.
As a reader, I found Negendank’s insights extremely helpful. The information coupled with these stories practically illustrated the concepts she shared. Negendank’s skill as an author is clearly revealed in her ability to connect concepts and psychological terminology with real life situations and application.
Aiding in Application
Another aspect of this book that Negendank does well is helping each reader apply the book’s content to their own situation. Each chapter has journaling/discussion questions to prompt further engagement, as well as more extensive resource lists on aspects of recovery such as trauma triggers, coping skills, and more. Negendank skillfully connects the theoretical and practical in a way that’s helpful to practitioners, survivors, and those supporting survivors alike.
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Negendank recognizes that the content of her book might be difficult for some readers (and thus encourages them to step away for a time, or consume it slowly), but she clearly intends that the discussion questions and journaling prompts be implemented over time. Negendank knows from experience that healing takes time, and communicates that truth many times throughout the book.
One final aspect of application Negendank provides is words of encouragement about healing and hope from anonymous survivors. It’s powerful to conclude Negendank’s insights with real-life testimonials of how impactful a supportive partner/survivor can be in the trauma recovery process.
Whether you’re a survivor, a partner/spouse of a survivor, or someone seeking to educate yourself on trauma recovery, I highly recommend Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma. Its applicability to sexual and non-sexual trauma recovery, focus on both survivor and partner/spouse, storytelling connections, and application steps make it a concise, helpful tool for all readers. You can purchase your own copy of Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma on Here!
Leah Jolly is a graduate of Wheaton College where she studied international relations and Spanish. She lives in the Grand Rapids area with her husband, Logan, and is pursuing her MDiv at Calvin Theological Seminary. After finishing her MDiv, Leah hopes to pursue a PhD and work as an editor and professor. In her free time, Leah enjoys spending time with family and friends, writing, traveling, and reading.
