Life Matters, Choice Matters
Originally posted on Caitlin Chats
In 2019 I had a missed miscarriage. The baby died, but my body did not start the miscarriage process. I needed the aid of abortion procedures in order for my body to release that child. Yes, to me it was a child, one that I very much wanted to love and raise. That child should be running around my house as a two-year-old terror. Abortion procedures prevented my life from being endangered.
In January of 2021, I had my fallopian tubes removed. After the miscarriage and the sweet newborn, which was my fourth live birth, I did not want to be pregnant again. These are the ways that I am pro-choice. My body, my choice. I did not enjoy being pregnant and I deeply love my children. If I desire to add to our family, I want to be available to foster or adopt. These are the things I am doing that are pro-life.
The narrative that is often portrayed by media and politicians is unfortunately “either/or.” This creates conflict, not peace. Not nuanced solutions. I watched my super religious friends and family celebrate the overturning of Roe v. Wade. And it made me sad because I know that some of these people are deeply compassionate. The baseline belief is that life matters. I do believe life matters.
Illegal abortions will happen, which have happened for centuries. Unwanted pregnancies are not a new development in the modern age. So overturning Roe v. Wade is going to cause more problems than solutions. The argument of when life begins is, in my opinion, masking the real issue: power and money and ignorance. Choosing to remain in ignorance about the effects that not having abortion will have gives power to those who create conflict.
As I deconstruct the tenets of religion, I have come to a place of being both pro-life and pro-choice. This may seem like I am avoiding trying to pick sides. My opinion is that creating sides is part of the problem.
I do believe that life begins at conception. As such I believe that I need to make sure I am willing and able to properly parent any children I bring into this world. I did not always believe this, and there is a chance that my beliefs will change again.
I am pro-life because I believe that humans are made in the image of God and should be valued as beloved children of Him. I am pro-choice because being a parent is a complicated and tricky business that needs to be approached with wisdom and grace.
There is a load of things that need to be addressed before abolishing abortion. Like maternity and paternity leave. Childcare needs to be considered. Not having an economy that requires multiple streams of income to live. Abolish abortion and you will find yourself with more children in the foster system, which is deeply strained as it is. You will find that there are more women being hurt by unmoderated medical practices. This does not end rape or sexual abuse. And it places women in a position of needing to care for children because men refuse to consider their own needs for birth control.
Peace happens when you have nuanced conversations, find multiple solutions for problems, and help the hurting in your community. Peace is healing the heartaches by witnessing the pain and loss. You must be willing to hear the stories, support the people who need it. Peace comes by being part of people’s lives, not clinching to political ideologies.
Caitlin H. Mallery is a writer, poet, and mom, who wants to chat about the ways we can do ordinary things extraordinarily well. You can find her on Instagram sharing about poetry and the fruit of the Spirit, as well as her latest baking project. And sign up for her weekly newsletter, Caitlin Chats, over on Substack, where she talks about being a working mom, and all the ordinary things that make up life.