Bathsheba, The Lamb
Power exploitation and sexual abuse in a familiar biblical story. (Excerpt posted with permission from author).
Why does a story about sexual abuse appear on a website about Spiritual Abuse? First, this biblical story of rape has often been used as a cautionary tale to shame women into covering their bodies. A misappropriation of a biblical text to cause shame (which has done so much damage) is the very definition of Spiritual Abuse.
Also, when power is abused in a spiritual context, very often other types of abuse are hidden behind it.
…Why your college professor or therapist shouldn’t be sleeping with you and other things you can learn from a 3,000 year-old story…
“But the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb which he bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and his children. It would eat of his bread and drink of his cup and lie in his bosom, and was like a daughter to him.” 2 Samuel 12:3-4 (NASB)
Perhaps you’re startled by the title of this essay. For years I assumed that Bathsheba was more suited to a “bad girls of the Bible” list than deserving of an association with lambs. Isn’t this the same Bathsheba, you’re thinking, that we’ve always paired with King David? Yes, it’s the same Bathsheba. In 50 years of Sunday sermons I’ve heard many references to David’s “adultery” with Bathsheba, an explanation too general to explain the story at hand. Perhaps we’ve been overlooking some important aspects of the narrative that could explain why, when God delivered His commentary on their relationship, He saw Bathsheba as an innocent lamb, not a guilty adulteress. Would you stick with me while I review the story?
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David had the idea to sleep with Bathsheba when he saw her bathing on her roof. I’ve heard implications from writers and speakers that Bathsheba was somehow luring David. It then follows, given this assumption, that her encounter with David was adultery, implying two consenting adults (at least one is married) who willingly have sexual relations. However, the Bible doesn’t say anywhere that Bathsheba was acting as a temptress or that this was adultery.
Let’s consider for a moment that David’s sexual contact with Bathsheba wasn’t brought on by her. Bathsheba had begun a bath, apparently during the night, because the text says David saw her when he got up from his bed during the evening and went out on his roof (2 Samuel 11:2). This hardly could have meant that Bathsheba was plotting anything, but it was a chance coincidence that David saw her. Rather than her bathing nearby in an exhibitionist way (the “intentional temptress” viewpoint), it could be that David saw the form of a woman in the moonlight, 100 yards away, apparently stepping into a bathing trough. In this narrative it seems natural to view Bathsheba as minding her own business, cooling herself in a middle-of-the-night bath.
Nevertheless, the appearance of a woman bathing set David’s mind on a path to satisfy his agenda. He sexualized this opportune moment. He inquired who she was and, although hearing that she was married to Uriah, sent for her to be brought to his chamber. It’s obvious that he was told or else he recognized Uriah’s name as a soldier in his own army, away from home under Joab’s command, because David knew exactly where to send for Uriah later. He logically would not have sent for a woman whose husband would have been home to answer the door! Was David without a wife of his own? No. David had taken at least seven wives after he came to power as king. Their names are listed in 2 Samuel 3:2-5 and 3:14. At some point he had also legally acquired his predecessor Saul’s wives (2 Samuel 12:8). After several years David took even more wives and concubines after he set up rule in Jerusalem (2 Samuel 5:13). He was accustomed to sending for one of his wives at his pleasure. Were they not enough? Earlier in his life David was humble and grateful to God, considering himself as a poor man not worthy to be King Saul’s son-in-law (1 Samuel 18:18). But now David had slowly grown into a sense of entitlement. The emotional stage was set for David to abuse his power. Never mind that Bathsheba was someone else’s wife. He wanted her. David dispatched an escort to bring Bathsheba to his chamber.
I can imagine the surprise when the palace escort knocked at her door in the night, saying “You are summoned to the palace at once.” Following the envoy, what must have been passing through Bathsheba’s mind? Has something happened to Uriah? Is something wrong? Is this the way I would be informed if he were wounded or killed? The shock of being summoned would have thrown her into unknown emotional territory. As she walked behind the escort, she tried to remember just what she’d been told. Had the envoy really said that the King wanted to speak with me? She must have felt a sudden grip of anxiety. Her breathing quickened and she could feel her heart pounding.
Imagine being abruptly told that you’ve been summoned to the Oval Office of the White House just fifteen minutes from now. WHAT? You’re not sure you’ve heard this correctly. The President wants to see me? WHY? Before you’ve had a chance to process this turn of events, you’re suddenly in the presence of the President of the United States. Your deep respect for the office of the President would likely put you in a state of deference and meekness. You don’t have a plan. You haven’t had time to think about what this means, why you’re here, or what choices you’d want to make in the moment. You probably didn’t even consider refusing the request to come. Whether you’re a man or a woman, you simply obey the summons and yield to the authority of the President. The supremacy of his role, internalized deeply since you first learned as a child who the President was, has carried the moment.
When young Bathsheba arrived in the chamber of the king, the most powerful man in the country, I can imagine she felt quite mute. She found herself face to face with an authoritative man, one for whom she had greatrespect and was most likely 20 years her senior. This was her king, deeply revered by her countrymen for his courage and leadership. She felt, as all her countrymen did, gratitude for his leadership, endearing him on an emotional level to her. Perhaps she had been present in a Jerusalem crowd when the country recently celebrated David’s defeat of their national enemy, the Arameans, who had just come against Israel with 40,000 horsemen. Had she caught a glimpse of King David from a distance, or ever felt the excitement of being in close proximity to him? This sudden invitation to his presence must have put her in shock. In respect for the nobility of his office, I can picture Bathsheba being quiet and submissive, lowering her eyes in deference to David. She’d never dared to think that she would have personal contact with him.
David held all the cards and all the power. His authority and leadership status as the king would make it more likely for someone to go along with his wishes and harder to refuse his advances. With his advantages of age, power, sexual experience, and Bathsheba’s emotional gratitude and indebtedness to him, he would have easily been able to coerce sexual contact. This wasn’t adultery, it was sexual abuse. It was the exploitation of Bathsheba for David’s sexual appetite. He wouldn’t have needed to physically manhandle her. The respect and was most likely 20 years her senior. This was her king, deeply revered by her countrymen for his courage and leadership. She felt, as all her countrymen did, gratitude for his leadership, endearing him on an emotional level to her. Perhaps she had been present in a Jerusalem crowd when the country recently celebrated David’s defeat of their national enemy, the Arameans, who had just come against Israel with 40,000 horsemen. Had she caught a glimpse of King David from a distance, or ever felt the excitement of being in close proximity to him?
This sudden invitation to his presence must have put her in shock. In respect for the nobility of his office, I can picture Bathsheba being quiet and submissive, lowering her eyes in deference to David. She’d never dared to think that she would have personal contact with him. David held all the cards and all the power. His authority and leadership status as the king would make it more likely for someone to go along with his wishes and harder to refuse his advances. With his advantages of age, power, sexual experience, and Bathsheba’s emotional gratitude and indebtedness to him, he would have easily been able to coerce sexual contact. This wasn’t adultery, it was sexual abuse. It was the exploitation of Bathsheba for David’s sexual appetite. We don’t know if David was drunk with alcohol, but he was no doubt intoxicated by his own power. The fact that David may have been persuasive rather than violent is irrelevant. The intimidation of his status was sufficient. You can see how ridiculous the question is (often asked of women in sexual assault situations): “Did she resist?” What an inappropriate question that misses the truth of what is happening here. How predictable for a young woman of her humble position to be timid in the presence of a powerful man.
Once it occurred to Bathsheba why she had been summoned, I imagine that she found little or no voice to object. Remembering sexual abuse scenarios I have heard from my counselees, where men in power have made up their minds to coerce sex, I can imagine that Bathsheba came and went meekly. I’ve heard women in these situations say, “I felt frozen,” “This can’t be happening!” or “I didn’t know what to say or do.” Blindsided and ambushed, Bathsheba may have doubted her own reality after she was dismissed that night. I have known women to be stunned and confused for days afterwards in similar situations.
My guess is that Bathsheba told no one what really happened to her in the King’s chambers. If anyone was aware she’d left her house that night, she likely lied about the events. How would she have known how to explain this to someone else? She couldn’t even explain it to herself. It would have been easier to blame herself than to blame the King. Alone with her thoughts in the weeks to come, how terrifying to admit that her menstrual periods had stopped. How hard to face the undeniable truth…she was with child. When Bathsheba told David some weeks later that she was pregnant, David conspired for a masterful cover-up. It seemed simple enough to bring Uriah home from the battlefront. David was sure that Uriah, happy to see Bathsheba, would have relations with her, providing a cover-up for her pregnancy.
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David didn’t bank on the fact that Uriah was such a principled fellow that he refused to go home to his wife, knowing that his fellow soldiers on the field didn’t have such pleasures. Instead he slept nearby with the palace servants in a show of selflessness for his country and solidarity with his comrades back at the front. Obviously, Uriah had honor on his mind. David had deceit on his. David tried again. The next day David ate with Uriah, no doubt filling his cup often and urging him to drink indulgently. Assured that Uriah was drunk, David ordered him home once again. Even an overdose of alcohol didn’t change Uriah’s self-denying values, and again he slept with the servants nearby. David’s ploy to make Bathsheba look pregnant by her own husband wasn’t working. David’s anxiety was growing. Saving his own neck was the priority. He wanted to spare himself the accountability to the righteous prophets, priests, and leaders who might learn of this.
The next day David resorted to the ultimate treachery. He wrote a letter instructing Joab, the military commander, to put Uriah on the front line, then to deliberately pull back from him so Uriah would be killed. David’s villainy was full-blown. Trying to make the appearance that Uriah would be killed in battle, David’s order to Joab was really a plot to murder. In a gesture that chills the Biblical reader, David sent the sealed letter to Joab by Uriah himself. When Bathsheba heard of Uriah’s death, she mourned. She thought that he had died in the line of duty. But she had more problems than just being widowed. Eventually everyone would know that she wasn’t having a baby by her husband. She was going to look like an adulteress to everyone. Bathsheba’s life circumstances had been manipulated at the hands of a powerful man. It may have actually been a relief, knowing she was widowed and pregnant, to have been summoned by David to be his wife. “David sent and brought her to his house” (2 Samuel 11:27, NASB). Now perhaps he even wanted to appear noble in taking Uriah’s poor widow into his harem. Perhaps the baby could be born and few people would question the timing of the birth.
The chapter closes with the summary, “The thing that David had done was evil in the sight of the Lord” (2 Samuel 11:27, NASB). David had abused his power to quench his sexual appetite, and then murdered to cover it. God was watching. Just when David thought that the cover-up was done, and things had quieted down, he got a surprise visit from the prophet Nathan. “The Lord sent Nathan to David” (2 Samuel 12:1, NASB). Nathan had come to see David before (2 Samuel 7), telling David that God was going to give him unlimited blessing as David served the Lord.
When Nathan appeared again at the palace, David probably wasn’t on the defensive. The “situation” with Bathsheba was tidied up and taken care of. After greeting Nathan, David probably sat down, expecting to hear another blessing from the prophet. Instead, Nathan presented a legal case for David to judge. Nathan began a story about a rich man and a poor man. The rich man had flocks of sheep. The poor man had one…only “one little ewe lamb which he bought and nourished” (2 Samuel 12:3, NASB). The story showed the poor man’s devoted care for the lamb and the tender relationship they shared. The little lamb even slept in his own bed and drank from his cup. Sometimes a loved pet can touch a part of one’s soul that is deeply meaningful; it may have been a rare love for this man. The story continued…when a traveler came to the rich man’s house, he was unwilling to take from his own flocks to feed the guest. Instead, he took the lamb away from the poor man, killed it, and fed it to the guest. The glaring message of Nathan’s story was the rich man’s sense of entitlement, his blatant abuse of power, and his heartless narcissism. This wasn’t a message about adultery. It was a message about the abuse of power. In the characteristic way which humans can deny their own guilt while self-righteously lashing out at others, David was furious. “David’s anger burned against the man, and he said to Nathan, ‘As the Lord lives, surely the man who has done this deserves to die!’” (2 Samuel 12:5, NASB).
David had unwittingly passed sentence on himself. It was a clever way for God to intervene. After David walked into the divine trap, Nathan delivered the ultimate commentary, “Thou art the man!” (2 Samuel 12:7, KJV). In modern language we’d say, “You’re busted!” I don’t think there could have been a more terrifying moment for a man on this earth. In an instant David’s soul was completely stripped. The truth hit so deep that David did not attempt to wheedle out of it. He inwardly (perhaps even physically) collapsed in the divine spotlight agreeing, “I have sinned.” He groaned with intolerable pain; the impact of truth felt as if it broke every bone in him. To David’s credit, he repented deeply. Psalm 51 is a glimpse into David’s genuine brokenness. I believe this kind of repentance is rare. I have seldom seen it. “Let the bones which you (God) have broken rejoice” (Psalm 51:8, NASB). However, his repentance didn’t erase the damage the sin had caused. Among the vast effects of David’s sin was that he had also “given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme” (2 Samuel 12:14, NASB). Other people would mock God’s name because of David’s evil act. God also took David’s scheme as a personal affront, “Because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife” (2 Samuel 12:10, NASB).
My main point in telling the story is this: When Nathan delivered the parable, which was God’s commentary on this situation, Bathsheba was portrayed as the lamb in the story. God chose to characterize Bathsheba by a symbol of universal and theological innocence: a little ewe lamb. She hadn’t plotted anything. She wasn’t a temptress. She had been manipulated. She had been a pawn in the hands of a powerful person with his own agenda. In God’s eyes she wasn’t responsible. This wasn’t a tryst between lovers; it was the abuse of power. It was the exploitation of Bathsheba for David’s sexual gratification which is sexual abuse. I think that God acknowledges the losses to her when, in the story, the lamb was portrayed as being killed. All her rights had been taken. There couldn’t be a clearer burden of proof. God held David solely responsible for the sexual encounter and the events that followed. David was the party who had to seek forgiveness, not Bathsheba. She wasn’t guilty.
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Adult victims of abuse by professionals or clergy are sometimes blamed as being the temptresses because it is so hard for others to see a leader or pastor as capable of sexual manipulation. However, sexual encounters are frequently started by a clergyman pushing against the sexual boundaries of the parishioner or counselee. Most of the time, the pressure to sexualize the relationship comes from the professional person in power: the clergyman, the doctor, the professor, the attorney, the therapist, the employer, etc. The women who seek their services are in dependent roles. Those who are in the positions of power always hold the responsibility to maintain the sexual boundaries. Sexual abuse happens when a person uses any advantage in the relationship (age, power, dependency by one party, or the lack of understanding of what is happening) to exploit the weaker person for sexual purposes. In the same way that being affirmed by an important person encourages us more, being disapproved of by an important person (authority figure) hurts us more. It’s harder to tell an important person “no” because there might be negative consequences for you. This is precisely the dynamic which gives the person in power an advantage.
Let me be blunt here: Young women, this is why you shouldn’t be sleeping with your college professor. It isn’t the love relationship he’s led you to believe it is. You’re being exploited. Counselees, you aren’t having a sexual relationship of equality with your pastor or therapist. He’s abusing you and has done this with other women. You aren’t the first. Women, your employer or supervisor has no right to threaten your job by inferring that you must have sex with him. This is sexual harassment, no matter what he tells you. None of these relationships started in freedom of choice and equality. In each case the man leveraged his power for selfish reasons. Run! Report! These relationships are predisposed to failure anyway. Most men who start relationships by leveraging their power quickly feel sapped of the euphoria of sexually exploiting the woman and then feel disgust and contempt towards her. Sadly, she may have believed his advances were genuine offers of love, and she may debase herself trying to keep a sick relationship going. In the end she’s stripped of dignity.
Many smart women (including myself) have found themselves here. There are several reasons why Bathsheba’s story is misconstrued as adultery. First, most people (including pastors writing their sermons) are undiscerning when it comes to the recognition and naming of sexual abuse, especially when it happens to adult women. They seem to spot abuse only in the most obvious cases such as forced rape by strangers or the abuse of children. I’ve also seen that pastors of good character can’t imagine the frequency of manipulation of women. They don’t realize the breadth of the problem. They think it is rare, so they never discuss it. Conversely, narcissistic church leaders may be silent to protect their own guilt. Finally, I’ve seen that men have often been negligent to challenge other men about their sexual improprieties and sins. It may be easier to preach against adultery than to confront a man about using his power to abuse a woman. I’ve never heard a strong sermon on it. Clearly I’m on my soapbox here, but Bible teachers should have tried to make sense of God’s view of Bathsheba as a “little ewe lamb,” the unavoidable message of Nathan’s challenge to David. In the story Nathan delivers God’s viewpoint, always the central issue in Bible interpretation. I’ve found that abusive men often emit attitudes of contempt for women that infect other men. David may have infected his sons with an attitude of entitlement too, because his son, Amnon, raped David’s daughter, Tamar (they were half-siblings). Our heads are still spinning from the egregious manipulation of Bathsheba in 2 Samuel chapter 11. Now we’re nauseated to see Amnon’s narcissism and obsessive plotting to sexually take his half-sister by chapter 13. Sadly, Tamar internalized the fear, worthlessness, and shame of being raped. It affected her permanently, as such a tragedy can (without support and healing help), and she lived in another brother’s house, a “desolate” woman (2 Samuel 13:20, NASB). Suffice it to say that other abuses happened in David’s family.
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It’s true that we have often mentioned David’s sin but we have neglected to preach about Bathsheba’s innocence. In my opinion, the story about David and Bathsheba should have been presented over the years as God’s condemnation for those who abuse power and God’s view of the innocence of those who were sexually exploited. There are other passages to use in preaching against adultery. This passage should be used to denounce sexual abuse. Those of us who have been manipulated by powerful men can find a great deal of comfort and spiritual freedom here. In seeing this, I gave myself even more permission to be free from the last pieces of false guilt I had carried. I wasn’t an adulteress. I was a lamb. I knew that God knew that I was innocent. I cut loose the last threads of shame. I refused to carry it any longer. May this book bring courage and freedom to all of you who are lambs.
Nishimoto, Dr. JoAnn. Courage for Lambs: A Psychologist’s Memoir of Recovery from Abuse and Loss . WestBow Press. Kindle Edition.
Photo by Lians Jadan on Unsplash