Wisps of Glory
I went to an all-girl’s college prep high school. One of my favorite classes was a rhetoric writing class my senior year. The teacher showed us a snippet of Maya Angelou on Oprah where Maya shared her perspective on the trials she had faced in life. “I am a child of god trailing wisps of glory…” she said.
It was as if someone had punched me in the throat, and all the air left my body. I wasn’t sure what my beliefs were at the time. Much like I don’t know now. But something in that sentiment resonated deeply with me. I scrambled to write it down. Thankfully, in Oprah style, she asked her to repeat it and Maya did. And then Oprah repeated it back to her. I wrote the quote word for word. It stuck with me. It became my internal song,
So much so that I made it my senior yearbook quote.
My family was experiencing a lot of turmoil at the time because my parents were embarking on a divorce. My father had disappeared for several months on a mysterious trip to visit what turned out to be an online girlfriend in Taiwan whom he was trying to bring to America. We had not heard from him the entire time. Home was in a fragile and fraught state to say the least.
In what was supposed to be the Glory Days–seniors were coasting through classes, the lunchroom was one big, boisterous, loud party–I often found myself in solitude. Instead of joining in, I found myself sneaking off to the old school chapel, the quietest room on campus, and soaking in the silence during the last days of my high school experience.
I didn’t know if I could afford college. I didn’t know where or what the fuck my dad was doing. I was worried about my mom being on her own with bills and work. I didn’t know anything other than chaos. And chaos had a way of making me feel worthless. In the silence of that chapel, I felt less overwhelmed. Like I wasn’t responsible for the chaos. The silence felt bigger than the chaos. The silence felt bigger than me.
When watching that Maya Angelou interview, she talked about abuse and horrible experiences. It all resonated with me. I knew that Maya knew chaos. She knew worthlessness. Yet she proclaimed that she trailed wisps of glory behind her every step. My 18-year-old self imagined thousand-year-old glittery stardust trailing behind my steps. Because Maya Angelou knew fear, danger, and the unknown. She spoke of it with a keen familiarity. She knew what I knew.
But Maya also knew silence. She was a poet. She knew when to pause, when to be still. She invited the silence into conversation, even there with Oprah. So maybe the wisps of glory she spoke of, were as real as the chaos and the silence. In that moment, I trusted her, a wise woman, based upon her lived experience. I decided to believe her. If she had wisps of glory, then maybe I did too.
Now that I have google at my fingertips, I have learned that Maya often repeated the phrase wisps of glory, as if it were part of her identity, It was maybe the way she saw herself and others…
“I believe that each of us comes from the creator trailing wisps of glory. So, at this wonderful, young age of 65, I don’t know yet what the lord has for me to do. I try to live up to the energy and to the calling, but I wouldn’t dare say I have even scratched the surface yet.”- Maya Angelou
Eighteen years since Maya first taught me that I trailed wisps of glory despite all the chaos. There were many moments, days and even years that I forgot. But I guess, looking at this quote above once again, I can follow her lead and say at this wonderful young age…of 36, I try to live up to the energy…and I have barely scratched the surface yet.