Three Things to Remember for International Self-Care Day
I don’t know how many times my therapist has reminded me that in order to be present with other people, I have to first take care of my own needs, but it’s a lot of times. Self-care is something that was trained out of me in childhood, right along with self-esteem (which was said to be a fancy word for self-centeredness), so it has been something I am learning about and trying to incorporate more consistently in my life.
In case you didn’t know, July 24 is annual International Self-Care Day, a time to bring awareness to the important benefits of taking care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. And because of this, I wanted to send out a quick reminder that self-care looks different for every person—we all have different needs, different ways to find rest, as well as different likes and dislikes.
Whenever I hear the word self-care, it’s usually accompanied with a list of culturally feminine activities: take a bubble bath, get a manicure, do a face mask. And while these are perfectly acceptable ways to practice self-care (and I like to do them myself), focusing on personal well-being is broader than piling extra things on to your to-do list. Especially for abuse survivors who are dealing with the aftermath of trauma. (Side note: I wish self-care was “marketed” as being important for people of any gender, not just women, because we all need it.)
So, here are three things I am trying to incorporate into my personal practice of self-care. They look different each day, but these principles are helping me stay focused on my health.
Take your pain seriously.
I don’t know about you, but growing up in the evangelical church meant that physical suffering was minimized with language like “it’s God’s will” or “God is teaching you patience.” I took this to mean that my pain didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Who was I to complain about my migraines and stomach aches when Jesus suffered everlasting hell for all his people? My mental suffering was downplayed even more with verses like “do not be anxious” and “rejoice in the Lord always.” I was experiencing depression and anxiety at a young age, but I believed my symptoms were signs of my sinfulness.
As an adult outside of evangelicalism, I am learning that pain is a signal our bodies are sending us for help, which means we should listen to it. I’m not always good at taking care of myself, but I’m working on it. When I have a migraine, I lie down in a dark room, get an ice pack, and close my eyes. When I am having severe anxiety, I take my medication and drink some water.
These should be instinctual practices, but for people like me, we have to remind ourselves in the moment because our brains were trained to minimize our pain and be as productive and selfless as possible. But if we are struggling with physical and mental health, if we are exhausted and burnt out—we are only going to cause more suffering by ignoring the pain signals our bodies are sending us. And we definitely will not be able to sustainably show up for the people in our lives.
Accept limitations while giving space for your potential.
I keep saying to myself: I am a human being with limitations. I am a human being who needs rest. I do not have unlimited energy or time, which I often find frustrating (remember the push to always be productive). But lately, I’ve found the reality that I have limitations to actually be liberating. By prioritizing what I truly care about, accepting my own limits, and cutting back on trying to do everything, I can be more of a whole, fulfilled person who spends my time wisely. This gives me room to live in each moment with more focus on the here and now. I am able to be more myself, all of the time.
Celebrate what makes you happy.
I regret the times in my life when I didn’t celebrate what I loved, the goals I accomplished, the activities that made me happy. Personal happiness isn’t usually celebrated in the evangelical church. And while I think looking out for the good of one’s community is valuable, I also believe our own happiness is important too.
Something I’ve had to learn is that I don’t have to have a “good reason” for everything I do. I can do things just because they make me happy. That’s good enough! It honestly was exhausting, trying to appease both my father’s rules and God’s will by constantly thinking through my motivations and trying to only do things that were “edifying.” But letting go of that constant thought process and just enjoying things for what they are has been so liberating.
Whatever self-care looks like for you, I hope you remember that you matter and your needs matter. It isn’t selfish to take care of yourself or do the things that you enjoy for no other reason than “just because.” Spiritual abuse told us that we didn’t matter, that we deserved suffering, but that’s a lie. You don’t have to listen to the voices that caused you harm. Let’s find our ways back to our internal voice, listen to our bodies, and give ourselves the time we need to heal, rest, and grow.
Cait West is a member of Tears of Eden’s Editorial Board. She focuses on writing about the patriarchal movement and how patriarchy influences Spiritual Abuse. Find her at caitwest.com and on Instagram and Twitter at @caitwestwrites.
