Sacrifice (A Poem)

Content Warning for sexual abuse 

18-year-old female

“Inner City Mission Trip” to Toronto, Canada…

with youth group from suburbs of STL.

While some of us performed street skits to save,

other teenagers sat with the crowd of potential converts

feeling the full weight of responsibility

to save them from “hell”.

40-something-year-old male

hot dog street vendor

takes a break and sits down next to

eager and excited evangelical me.

Clearly, the Spirit is stirring his heart.

As I share the good news,

his hand shares a space with my lower back.

Still hoping he chooses to hide the Word in his heart,

as he slides and hides his hand inside my shirt. 

I briefly consider walking away,

but that would affect his walk with Christ.

My rejection of him could hurt his pride

subsequently hurting my witness and his eternity.

Implicitly I knew, the male ego is to be protected at all costs.

Prioritize saving and sacrifice

over one’s own safety and “selfishness”.

Be more attuned to and concerned for

this adult male’s feelings, faith, and future

than your own.

My exposing him could hurt his reputation.

And purity culture conditioning reminds me that

I probably led him on, after all.

My teenage self felt the weight of holding

this adult man’s, not only future, but eternity in my hands

as his hands felt the freedom to hold whatever they pleased.

This must be why women aren’t allowed to preach.

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